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IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?

RULES
[1] Get out / open your music player (iPod, MP3 Player, etc.) / music library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player etc.).
[2] Put it on shuffle.
[3] Press forward / the next button for each theme.
[4] Use the song title as the answer to each theme, even if it doesn't make sense.
[5] Bold the theme (Opening Credits, Waking Up, etc.), italicize the answers, and give your own comments in the parenthesis on how it relates to the prompt.
[6] Tag 10 people.
[7] DON'T SKIP SONGS OR LIE!

.::. Opening Credits .::.
KPOP Girl Power (Girl Group Mashup) by MASAMIXES
LOL. This is a mix of a few songs by popular female groups. xD

.::. Your Theme .::.
Running Up That Hill - Placebo
:| Damn, I'm cool.

.::. Waking Up .::.
Gayatri Mantra - Deva Premal
Well. I do yoga when I wake up? Or meditate?

.::. School .::.
BANG! - After School
It has a marching band theme? It's about dancing, being crazy, letting it all hang out xD This is more fitting for club music perhaps?

.::. Home .::.
The Angry Mob - Kaiser Chiefs
I don't know what this means. xD


.::. Falling In Love .::.
The Longest Road ft. Lissie - Grifta Remix
This is dubstep, so calm? Nonchalant? I imagine myself finding more of a soulmate than a lover or boyfriend. They last longer.

.::. Boyfriend / Girlfriend's Theme .::.
Styo - Gorillaz
OMFG MY BOYFRIEND IS SO BEAST. Or British. Either?

.::. First Kiss .::.
Ballad of Mona Lisa - Panic! At the Disco
Oh, my God, I killed him. xD

.::. Hanging With Friends .::.
Right Above It - Lil Wayne
All of you need to look this up. Apparently this is what we chill to. xD

.::. Best Friend's Theme .::.
Top of the World - BIG BANG.
I approve. It's pretty dern awesome.

.::. Fight With Parents .::.
Dota - Basshunter
Let's go with that. Sure. (But what does it mean?)

.::. By Yourself at Home .::.
Misery Business - Paramore
Uhh... Am I a drama whore? XD A closet drama whore?

.::. Break Up .::.
Written in the Stars - Tiny Tempah ft. Eric Turner
Uhm... I.. Don't know how to interpret this? Underdog? Yeah, makes no sense.

.::. Depression .::.
Hey Baby (Drop it to The Floor) - Pitbull and T-Pain
I dance and go clubbing when I'm depressed? That sounds like me, if I felt bad enough xD

.::. Regret .::.
Hurricane Drunk - Florence + the Machine
I like this combination. With the song it sounds like I've given up or lost a pretty decent guy. Huh. Deep.

.::. New Love .::.
Between Two Lungs - Florence + the Machine
"The breath that passed from you to me
It flew between us as we slept
Slipped from your mouth into mine it crept"?

.::. Prom .::.
Beautiful Thieves - AFI
YESSUH. Let's crash prom and woe the wasteland that is our peers. xD Or poison them... >>;

.::. Prom speech .::.
We Are The Future - HOT
Go look it up because I don't think I can hold in my obnoxious laughter. Talking about how the world isn't such a great place, and how people are selfish and angry. But we are the future. So we best start acting like it... It's so: 'We need to be the change in our lives XO" And it's '90stastic.

.::. Graduation .::.
Cosmic Love - Florence + the Machine
I wish this was New Love D: It's so amazing.
It does convey that one day where you feel kind of empty because you're in limbo. Between high school and life, where you're neither here nor there. Though that's about dependence and affection XD <3

.::. Graduation Speech .::.
Get Out of My Life Now - Paul Oakenfold
ROFL THAT'S FULL OF WIN. It's the song from the end of Swordfish. It's dark, and I think about a person, but still. The face-value message is hilarious. xD

.::. College .::.
Chu~ - f(x)
Am I going to kiss people in college?

.::. Marriage .::.
Chizuru - Gazette
OH MY CRAP I AM DOOMED. XD
"My eyes reflect your image
Even though the day when loosing sight of you will come
You'll always stay right in front of my eyes
At days when the sunlight shines through the treetops
I won't be at your side anymore" Translated from Japanese. xD

.::. Going To War .::.
Spring Nicht - Tokio Hotel
Wow. I'm half ashamed, half curious. Do we all kill ourselves? Do I stop someone from killing himself during war?

.::. Night Before Battle .::.
BONAMANA - Super Junior
This is about a guy going for a girl's attention bravely and wishing for affection back. Love on the battlefield? XD

.::. Last Fight .::.
What You Know - TI
I suppose I'll have some swag when I'm going into battle? I'll be gangster, I suppose. xD

.::. Final Words .::.
Save the Hero - Beyonce
This is actually pretty epic. I mean, very epic. Go listen to it, guys xD

.::. Funeral .::.
Lucifer - SHINee
Uhm... "Her whisper is the Lucifer"
Was I really that bad? XD

.::. Aftermath .::.
DISCHARGE - Gazette
That's pretty awesome. xD

.::. Ending Credits .::.
Ramalama (Bang Bang) - Roisin Murphy
Uh... I.. Yeah, I don't know what to make of that either. XD You figure it out.

This was fun 8DDDD And I encourage you to look up any songs you don't know, because those are hilarious given the prompt. XD
  • Listening to: Panic! At the Disco - The Only Difference came on
  • Watching: Transformers (1984) Episode 25
  • Playing: Not Bioshock
  • Eating: I made some macaroni a couple of hours ago...
  • Drinking: Water
Or rather, just now.


I have learned that Sesshomaru = Optimus Prime from Transformers animated (2008),

And Optimus Prime (G1) = Eeyore.

David Kaye and Peter Cullen are so amazing.







I am trying to remain calm. :|
  • Watching: Transformers (1984) Episode 8
  • Playing: Not Bioshock
  • Eating: I think I'll make some macaroni.
  • Drinking: Who loves orange soda? I love orange soda...
1. Exploring the wonders of YUGIOH Abridged series because I've never seen it.

2. Rediscovering my love for Yami Bakura. UNF.

3. Random fact you never knew about Ivy: Loves macaroni and cheese with TONS of pepper and occasionally tuna or bacon bits. :|

4. I want to go find my YGO card deck. I think I still have my Blue Eyes, I know I don't have my Red Eyes anymore... And I think I still have my special edition Toon Dark Magician Girl.

5. Random fact you might have figured but never really took the time to think about: Ivy used to really like YuGiOh.
  • Listening to: Cute kitty snores
  • Watching: YGO: Abridged
  • Playing: Not Bioshock
  • Eating: Peppery MacNCheese
  • Drinking: Coke
don't like love songs. They are as sad as funeral marches.






And now I'm a liar; I promised I wouldn't cry. Just a silly woman singing silly songs about silly things.

















I hope the rest of my day isn't ruined because of those four or fives minutes in Dennys. A lesser person, after all this toil, would have offed herself, I'm sure. But I like to pretend I'm a tough cookie. Back to bed, now. Dreams are better.
  • Playing: Not Bioshock
  • Eating: Tapioca pudding (not now, but I want one)
  • Drinking: Dr. Pepper
I am very unhappy. Going out into the world is not supposed to be like this. I don't want to be involved in any of it; I understand hermits. I want to be independent, but in a place so interdependent, how is this possible? I want to not rely on anyone but myself. I want to be able to storm off with no repercussions. I want to be able to be upset, express it, an not be put under a thumb.

You don't get many things you want, says the man with the glass half empty. You take good with the bad, says the pragmatist, and you get things more often than not, says the man with the glass half full. None of these sound very attractive. None sound ideal, and none are, to be honest, but you are made to believe you can get as close as you can to ideal. No one said how hard or impossible that would be.


I want to be a hermit. I don't like this. I really don't, and the worse part is that when you're a kid, they say, "Well, sure, Johnny, you can change all that you don't like about the world," Come to find out there's red tape, and all kinds of things that impede that progress: family, parents, neighbors, bosses, friends, sometimes, and random people on the street you'll never see again.

World and everyone in it--knocks you down, man, it knocks you down. Disillusionment is much easier to stomach when it's in a book and you can say, "Oh, thank God, I don't have to deal with people like that," Surprise, peon, believe you-me, I'd like to kick whoever made the world look like rainbows and flowers and unicorns and cotton candy too.

Don't like this one bit.

Welcome to adulthood.

No comments; you know me. Just getting it out, and offering food for thought.
  • Playing: Not Bioshock
Okay, so, bunch of stuff running through my head right now.

It's 10:52 in the PM, and I've Youtubed (extreme sport) my way into Megan Fox videos, Youtubed then into Shane videos (my love for her is not safe and cannot be quantified), then flailed over to asexuality forums and fashion. Many of them are so annoying, but I can't get mad. In something so offshot as true asexuality, differences must be appreciated, and that includes the numerous opinions and perceptions of the connection between one's body and one's sense of self.  I just find the reveling and rolling about in the field of 'I'm so different and misunderstood, Oh, my gosh! I don't wanna look like a girl or a guy, merhher, I need to bind my breasts, merher,' off-putting. It's eleven o'clock at night, sue me if my grammar has gone down the toilet.

I was just curious, forum, what do you think is the big whoop with this kind of name-brand, faddish asexual tendencies? Are you familiar with the asexual subculture? Do you agree/disagree on topics associated with this (perception in the media, misunderstandings, fashion sense and their use of gender ambiguity or asexuality)? Have you no interest in this subject at all? Does it bother/creep you out (this is a valid answer, too)? Is this post completely 'wtf-tastic?' Have you no idea what I'm talking about? Did you even know I thought about/read about this XDDD? I'm really just curious because it's something I identify myself with for the most part, and something I find fascinating.

Also, you should know that I am so bored I rolled around on the couch with my cat today. She ran to one end and I rolled to it, and she hopped over me and ran to the other end, and I rolled to that end. Then I watching RayWJ on Youtube some more. It was shenanigans. I reread the Itteh Bitteh Book of Kitteh, and now am looking at random stuff on the interwebs.

Uhmmm, I plan to start a Youtube channel, as well, probably under the same name as my dA ID/username/doohickerr. It will be full of my adventures at RIT, my experiences in college, and probably random things I find up north. Please anticipate it!

Finally, disregard this post if you find it either offensive, weird, or if it drastically changes your perception of me xD or if it gives you that weird feeling in the pit of your stomach akin to dread.
  • Reading: Forums
  • Watching: L Word
  • Playing: Not Bioshock
  • Eating: I WANT SOME SNAKZ (why am I always hungry? ;_;)
  • Drinking: LemonadeIcedteaSchmordleschmore
So, the night my head is pounding, and my stomach feels like it's doing karate is guess what:


BAND CEREMONYYY!!

What fantastic timing, bodily pains, I mean really *hands award*.

PS, before I went on a rant, I was supposed to be calmly explaining why I wouldn't make it to the ceremony So, right, about that. Sorry guys, not coming to the band ceremony tonight. Have fun. Win awesome awards and tell me later. I plan to at least show up at Abby's party even if I can't/won't/shouldn't swim. Again, have fun , and I didn't come because tonight is seriously not my night, apparently. I'll just move this to the top, so you don't reallly read everything else.

[insert rant, you can honestly just skip it because, like I've mentioned in some other emo or angry post, I like the permanence of writing it publicly, makes me feel like I'm getting it out, of course I could put this on lj, but whatever]

Then there's obnoxious mom on obnoxious phone with obnoxious friend, so loud. So, all unassuming, I go lay down downstairs. Nope, so she comes downstairs, to cook, banging things around, talking loud as she always does (given she can't help it, but still). So I go back upstairs, not saying anything. All I want is some quiet to lay down, take a Tylenol, and try to be able to wake up to get my tooth drilled in the morning. So, now I've got an attitude, or so she freaking says.

This story gets better. So then Cap'm texts me: You going to the band ceremony?! 8D


Ivy: lkjedsk ndckjherr NO BECAUSE THE WORLD IS AGAINST ME AND I'M IN PAIN AND I FEEL LIKE SLAPPING SOMEONE AND CRYING AND GOING OUTSIDE AND NEVER COMING BACK IN.

"Shoot. That's tonight?", I say, because as much as Muse has just started to like me, not even making it to the band ceremony must not leave a nice impression. So, why not, just for no reason, skip out? Sure, that sounds reasonable. Perfectly, freaking reasonable.

Part of me wants to get angry at whoever scheduled the ceremony for today, but that's not right, and if it was Muse, he doesn't deserve it because I love him and he's pretty awesome.


I don't know if you can tell, but I'm pretty freaking angry about this, and trying not to swear because it's unbecoming when you actually mean it and it's not just for jokes.






I just kind of want to keyboard smash and sling something against a wall. Have I already said that?

OH FREAKING GREAT NOW SHE'S COMING BACK UPSTAIRS.
BUT NO. AS SHE COMES UP: "See, that's the Devil in you, not sure I want to spend my 500dollars, might just let you lay up and hurt--" She's got it wrong because I haven't said anything this whole time. No: I have a headache and I'm trying to find a quiet place to wait for the Tylenol to work.


Fucking unreasonable parents are unreasonable. Can I have some quiet with my pain so I can wait until it goes away? That's all I ask for. Quiet. In a two person house, who the crap figured it would be so difficult. wsdfn ecvd UGH I'M SO ANGRY.

What a terrible situation. I hate people sometimes. FUCKINGURHGH

In good news: my teeth haven't been hurting for the last two days. Still can't really eat, and they hurt when I get something in them, but no hurting for no reason at all. I think that's progress. Still, one up top is swelling I think.

Bye, guys.
  • Playing: Not Bioshock
  • Eating: Nothing.
Stephanie, Please find this. My phone died a few hours ago.

I've been finished, but I've been rendering my project.
(figuring out how to render, rendering, failing, AND FINALLY)


Finally, I do this properly. XD I'm still at school, beeteedubss, and I have to pee.





Okay so, Render Failed. :| Premier Pro says BATCH I AINT GON RENDAH YO STUFFS OKAY?

And so I say, Okay :3 I'm going to stop doing other things on you while you render okay? Okay. I dno't know if you can tell *checks over should to see if it's crashed* but I'm kind of paranoid and tired right now. Hey, it's 7:37, kind of like a G6, but not really. And I'm not feelin' so fly. More like

Like a Blizzerd,
Now I'm feelin'
hawngry like a G6.
Like, a G6
Lika, lika, Geee-Six
Wanna fry and a smoothie like a G6.


*checks over shoulder*

So you see? Don't get sick, don't procrastinate, don't go home, don't leave *checks over shoulder* this class room.


A NOTE ON "*CHECKS OVER SHOULDER*": Please don't think I'm exaggerating. I'm on the computer across from the one that's *checks over shoulder*rendering my stuff and everytime I say it, I literally type it, and check over my should to make sure the little blue line is still going. :|


*checks over shoulder*

I just realize that might be funny. So.... Yeah. Like I said my phone's dea--

HAY I WAS SAYING - It's 7:37 WHO's IN THE BAND ROOM RIGHT NAO?!?!!!!!! *waves*

*checks over shoulder*

If that gets annoying, well, welcome to my life. I want a smoothie *checks over shoulder* after this like a mofo.


ANOTHER NOTE ON "*CHECKS OVER SHOULDER*" THEY MAY GET MORE FREQUENT BECAUSE THE BAR IS CLOSER TO THE END

*checks over shoulder*

I can hear the Rasta goodness of Sushi Cat on open in the other tab. 8'D

_____________________________________________________________________
This means I'm playing sushi cat or watching anime on youtube like a n00b *checks over shoulder*
_____________________________________________________________________
*checks over shoulder*
*checks over shoulder*
Literally, I typed, looked over my shoulder, typed, and looked over my shoulder again...

*checks over shoulder*

WHAT THE FRICK WHY'D----okkkkaaay. Its a two passs.... Its a two-fer. Wow. Well.

Here we go again. Effing WAV files. I mean.... *checks over shoulder* Glorious wav files. :)








I never went to play sushi cat, beetwwdubss. I don't have to pee anymoreeeee. Yaaaay! Oh no, wait. Okay, nevermind.

*checks over shoulder*

It's kind of like a rap song now...


Sooo, what happened today worth mentioning if you've read thus far--

CONGRATULAT--
*CHECKS OVER SHOULDER NONCAPS*
TIONS, YOU'VE JUST RECEIVED AN IPOD NANO!!!


Okay, seriously, I was sitting here *checks over shoulder* thinking about how this is basically my last time sitting in this chair, and it occured to me that I had to clean off all my stuff from that box. So I'm spamming sendspace, with all my pr--

*checks over shoulder*

project files. Wow, I'm surprised dA journal hasn't kicked me off yet or said
"OMFG YOU HAVE TOO MANY FEELINGS, WHAT, HAVE THEY EVOLVED FROM EMO POETRY TO EMO EPICS NOW? EFFING HOMER UP IN HERE WITH THE LONG POST, STOP WRITING AND USING MY INTERWEBS*

I'M LAUGHING SO HARD, I JUST MINI-TAYLOR SHAWED, IN A ROOM FULL OF COMPUTERS BY MYSELF.

I'm all alloooneeee--

*checks over shoulder*

There's no one here besiiideee meeee....
________________________________
END SONG: this is not high school musical.


Anyways, continue.... *laughs a little* Homan, SLEEP HERE I COME
*checks over shoulder*

*closes event notification* Been getting those little pop ups for four years and I still don't know what they mean. xD
*checks over shoulder*


Sooooo... Knock knock jokes.... Jokes in generalll....

Okay:
the Godfather: Polly, want a cracker?
Polly: :|
the Godfather: What, no crackers?
Polly: :| *silence*
the Godfather: C'Mon, I'm the Godfatha!!!
Polly: I know. I'm Jewish. :|

BADUM-PHHHHSSSHHHHHH






LAAWWWWWWWWWWWWL *actually laughs at own joke*
*checks over shoulder* *is still laughing* Someone come save me. XD
*checks over shoulder*


Okaaay, but seriously, I did start tearing up today when Mr. McAuley said, "AND FOR THE LAST TIME, HAVE A GREAT GREYHOUND DAAYYY!!! 8'D"
Ivy: ........................................................................   :| *eyes stinging*



*checks over shoulder*.

I'll meet you back here in a few. :|
  • Listening to: Sushi Cat RASTA
  • Watching: Screen. LOL
  • Playing: Not Bioshock
  • Drinking: BANANA CHOCOLATE MILKSHAKE YESSUH! unf I WISH OMG
Don't mind the fobby title, it's from my KPop. XD

So the post yesterday kind of kicked me in the pants. I still feel the same, but accept it as fact that anyone who's worth anything at all remotely feels about like that.

I had a pretty great day today besides the homicidal, clackyclacky shoes that tried to kill me. Death by slipping on floor like a fool. I got work done. I finished my internship, getting my robes tomorrow, people are still ignorant, but I have good news....

I just saved a bunch of money by switching to Dylan's sweet potatoes.






Also, thanks guys, for your words because it's nice to have the truth reinforced, even though I know it well enough. It feels really good. I know I love you guys and you love me too [queue Barney music, but it's cool because he was my homeboy. YO R.I.P. BARNAY!  *obligatory gang sign*]

I guess this post is kind of unnecessary, but I'm just am in a really good moo--LADY GAGA IS THE CUPCAKE THAT WOULD NOT PHOTOGRAPH. Seriously. So, I guess I'll just have to study Judas for like a couple hours till it's in my head v.v. Shammee 8'DDDD However will I get through it? I mean, I'm just going to watch it overrr, and overrr, and overrr, and overrrrrr. I'll probably get my cat involved too and video a cute video of her dancing Judas. 8D

I'm going to work on this piece (the one with her Magdalena outfit), and I'm going to start (after this one) a closeup shot of her face, so I'll be practicing noses, lips, eyes, and the facial structure in general because I seem to have gotten rusty on facial proportion :'D eheee. Shoot me some good tutorials if you know any, help me in my quest, xD.

I ALSO NEED TO DRAW HOWL BEFORE I CAN CONTINUE TO LIVE.

Imma go dance around my house and freak out my cat and find my physics textbook because that is a hundred-five dollars I would rather not pay to THE MAN.
  • Listening to: Mom on the phone XD
  • Watching: Ghost in the SHELL!!! JUS
  • Playing: Not Bioshock
  • Drinking: BANANA CHOCOLATE MILKSHAKE YESSUH! unf
Not quite sure how to start or explain, but I suppose this is a journal, so its purpose is to help me sort out everything in full view of the public.

I watched Howl's Moving Castle, and I either wasn't aware or had forgotten it was kind of a love story, which I steer clear of, simply because I hold some strange beliefs.

I operate under the belief that a) I won't get married, b) I have trouble attracting any kind of romantic attention, c) this specific type of attention isn't something I want particularly just for the idea of 'being loved' and 'not being alone' and 'because I want a boyfriend', but the happiness I see is attractive, and the body-breaking sadness comes when I realize I'll be missing out on happiness by design, not by choice.

Of course, the few I've explicitly said this to say I'm being ridiculous, and that there's someone for everyone, encouragement which of course I appreciate, but I cannot connect myself to this. I simply do not see it. I do not feel it. I feel like, honestly, it's divine intervention whispering in my ear this won't happen. I don't think I can convey with words the certainty of this, and that it is not, in fact, just a notion. Alas, I am human, and still, remains hope, my downfall in this particular situation, seeing as how it keeps me clinging, and keeps me wandering.

I don't think I'm bitter. I do, however, like to cover this sadness up by attributing such feelings to bitterness. This is a long drawl of explanation I like to avoid, so 'bitter' is easier. This is hard to explain, normally, but I think these words are best describing it.

It's a constant reminder. Everything, Valentine's Day, movies, people in the street, my wandering thoughts, and understand, I do not wish anything bad unto these happy people, it's not that. I just can't help but feel spiteful that they have something I strongly feel I will never experience. I am, after all, a woman of science, I have an insatiable curiosity, and this type of curiosity, this want to have any kind of happiness (like a normal human being) is a kind I cannot satisfy. I feel lacking. I feel like I'm missing something important to the human experience. I feel like, with this and me reaction to it, I'm not fully human, or at least not yet.

This said, I watched Howl's Moving Castle tonight, and I honestly have been sobbing ever since. Call me what you will, pathetic, sorry, weak, sensitive, take you pick, but this movie and its implications and its particular ending have beaten me with a club and bled me half to death. I'm sure I look like a druggie with my red eyes and puffiness. Howl and Sophie ending up together is just about the sweetest thing I can imagine. It was so cute and Sophie deserves it! It made me fangirl squee Whatta good movie. Seriously I want to watch it again, but this gets in the way of my complete "Awh 8DD What a sweet ending, aren't they cute togethe--OMG they kissed!!! *dreamy eyes*". It's not a reaction to the movie, its just I see that kind of interaction and automatically, my mind thinks of this happiness so far out of reach. I can't help but to cry, and so quickly this happens, that it seems like I'm crying because of the sweet ending when really, I'm crying because I feel like it's something I'll never have, and this train of thought really requires no effort on my part.

I must say, I am only human, and cover up my weaknesses sometimes with harsh words like "I don't want it. I think it's stupid." and booing at couples or laughing at the and their ignorance. This is in part because of my inherent, selfish notion that no one feels as deeply or understands emotions as keenly as I do, as most humans think, and, the other reason is because of all this; these feelings. I like to say I'm an open book and you automatically sense how I feel, but this is my defense mechanism. It's what I do when I get scared, or lonely, or tired of pretending I don't care and that I don't have a problem with solitude, automatically, without thought, it's what I do when I want to cry so hard I can't see the light of day.

I guess we all have our demons.

Random thought: Notice I didn't say 'love'. I use the term loosely, because it seems to cause a lot of trouble with couples I know. If I found a guy I liked, I'd say I loved him if I liked him enough to keep him around. I'd want to make sure he's safe, I'd want him to be fed, warm, clothed, and I'd want to keep his company and stay with him, otherwise, why make the effort. I know straightaway, if it was 'love', and I feel no shame in admitting it. To me, that's love. Not sex, not marriage, but love. S'all it needs to be for me to be happy.

I think... I've explained it, and now, maybe I can start the journey to fixing myself up. I have a day tomorrow to look forward to, and this is getting in the way. I also think I should explain: I'm not looking for comments and words of encouragement, as sweet as they are and as much as I appreciate it, they do nothing. I've been like this, honestly, for as long as I can remember, I just picked today to explain in full, I suppose. I like the permanence of the journal post, though I'm kind of reluctant to throw this out there. I like the way it's just said, explained, and justified (not very well, but sue me, these are my feelings, and I don't even know where exactly, they come from), and put up here like it's an everyday thing. Because it is and I've ignored it and shrugged it off for far to long. Given, I don't know how to fix this, or what exactly I'm fixing, or when I start fixing, but I think admitting there's something to fix is the most important thing.

So wish me luck, okay? And hope I stop crying by tomorrow so I don't look like a fool.
  • Watching: Howl flail about his hair. Best part. XDDDD
  • Playing: Not Bioshock
  • Drinking: Lemon flavored, tea flavored water.
Used in a sentence:

I'm feelin' mighty angsty about growing up to be an old maid. xD
  • Listening to: Cute kitty snores
  • Playing: Not Bioshock
  • Drinking: COOLLLLAAAAAAA
TODAY!!! I WILL DRAW MY PERSONAL GOAL. PLEASE ANTICPATE IT.


I WILL DO THIS. D< YOU EVER HAVE SOMETHING YOU'VE WANTED TO DRAW?!!.. AND YOU'RE LIKE-- HOT DANG,  WISH I COULD DO THAT.

THIS IS MY FRUSTRATION. SO BAM. BAM, IT IS HAPPENING TODAY.

/end frustration.

In other news, I have a serious nail painting problem. It's like crack. :)
They're lilac striped now. :D


<smallfontthatdoesnotworkonDA>i'mstartinganailjournal</smallfontthatdoesnotworkonDA>

:D
  • Listening to: Birdiess
  • Playing: Not Bioshock
  • Drinking: Sprite
Train. Cold metal, train tracks. Stagnated air, hot dust particles scrape the skin. Cold, metal, somehow, the burn of rope, the kathunka-thunka-thunka-thunka of the horizontal bars on the wheels on the tracks. The screeching of the whistle, like a banshee coming closer to feast upon dead flesh. Kathunka-thunka-thunka-thunka.

It is not "chuga-chuga", like we've all been told, he thinks. This sound, from this lower angle at least, is not as benevolent as "chuga-chuga". The scrape of metal on metal, propelled forward, the tingle of the electricity flowing through, the scratches so close to the bronzed, dirtied, rusted metal. The stab of rocks, the wiggle of fingers into the carcass of a bird, still moist but seared.

"Chuga-chuga" is nothing like "kathunka-thunka", because he can feel the vibrations, jilting bolts radiating from his back. "Kathunka-thunka" is much more accurate, he affirms in a thought.

The screech is closer, the vibrating from the "kathunka"s pushes against him with more force. At once, he wonders if he still wants to live, but pushes the thought away. Kathunka-thunka.

The light at the conductor's car is not on in daytime. The shiny black up-close is not quite shiny. The train is a beast, malevolent. The train is not a monster, apathetic and brutal. The train is cruel. The bright white against the black is not quite white, but eggshell, peeling, old, half gone.

Kathunka-thunka is all the sudden like those vibrating massage chairs, but with a particularly jagged rock stabbing through the vest and shirt, he cannot connect himself to the comfort associated with such a thought.

The last thing you hear before you die haunts you, they say, but the force of "Kathunka-thunka" and the grind of the wheels and the screech of brakes too late applied sticks longer, he thinks.
  • Listening to: Kitty
  • Eating: Chocolate almond fudge Clif bar
  • Drinking: Water
I have a serious problem:

So, I'm feeling particularly creative.

I write.

What happens?

Homan. I write two short scenes, and lets not pretend I didn't create my own dystopia, complete with legal narcotics, cybernetics, gene-splitting and altering, and a complete lack of moral fiber. Its 1930's sexy.

One deals with drugs, no surprise there, the other, the beginning of a civil war.

If I don't stop, someone's going to mistake me for a druggie or an anarchist. Maybe both. D:




BUT I CAN'T STOP WRITTTINGGGGG *CRIESWRITESWRITESCRIESWRITESCRIESWRITESWRITES*
  • Listening to: BIOSHOCK
  • Reading: BIOSHOCK
  • Watching: BIOSHOCK
  • Playing: NOT BIOSHOCK
  • Eating: BIOSHOCK CHEESECAKE
  • Drinking: BIOSHOCK
You were more than half full.
A life ended so early--
Premature.

The tumble, she went slow,
Your guts on the floor.

Cherry, chocolate,
Icy sludge.
Particles heat, move faster,
Escape the magic anti-gravity milkshake saving device of dreams.

I can hear the slurp of thy sweet thickness.
The Hershey's Special Dark chocolatiness,
Coats the tongue,
Slithers down the throat.

You are but a sweet spot on the floor,
welcome to roaches,
not sweet anymore.

Oh, but the straw,
She lies in abandon.
My oar to navigate your icy throes.
She sits in the trash, like a half fallen flag.
She does not declare victory,
But bitter, angry, defeat.

O, spilled SteaknShake Milkshake,
you live naught.

Tonight, I will close my eyes to dream,
I will drown in your viscous coldness.
Regret.
  • Listening to: The Funeral March of Shakes.
  • Watching: Youtubing = Extreme Sport
  • Eating: Western BBQ Burger, but I ask you, is it worth it?
  • Drinking: Oh, DA, you tease me so.
So, just a disclaimer, I don't normally share my dreams. Not because they're intensely personal or anything, but because I didn't think anyone but me had a use for them XD. This one however has prompted my to draw a character from it.

I disclaim this now: This describes the whole dream, plus me three or so side dreams I remember coming before it. It is long. And we all die. But not... Okay, I can't fix it. ._.  I have dreams like these every night, unless I'm sick, or depressed, which I have been recently, but hopefully the reappearance of my strange dreams is indicative of my convalescence. :D

HERE GOES. (copied and pasted from my dreamjournal thing).

So I had one of the most mortifying dreams. It wasn't immediately scary, but it was interesting and when I woke up i kind of seriously considered this as a (completely impossible) way for the world to die. I say die and not end because we were killed.

Flip side:
Dream that came before it:
DBSK performed at our school in the courtyard.
My buddy Torbjorn was on step team, which was funny.


Anyways, back to this awesome/terrifying dream, in short: we all incinerate. It simply gets too hot. For example my mind, in which dreams kind of play out like movies, it switches to an Asian family, and they're eating ice cream as it melts, and taking care of their daughter's debts. Like she had a shopping card, from Walmart or something and before they all died they wanted to make sure she was debt-free and everything was all paid off. Daughter was no where to be seen, so maybe she was already dead?
Another weird thing is that the guy doing all this was mostly benevolent.

COMPLETELY UNRELATED, WELL SORT OF
The "benevolent killer" made this man walk this plank over to claim his girlfriend/wife. The town was brown, mostly, with dirt and wood and earth, but it had this wooden guide. Kind of how we have telephone poles and they outline the street--this place had wooden beam structure and this man was made to cross one, but all the while, the Benevolent Killer was helping him across, saying things like: "Oh, its like cardboard, real rickety. Step quickly and you'll do fine."
Then there was the Fire Starter. This is why I love my brain. This scene was unlinked to the slowly incinerated Asian family, but it was the same cause: the Benevolent Killer. The Fire Starter, I think was some kind of regulation. He wasn't responsible for the mass incineration, but he had these arrows. I hesitate to liken them to Speedy from Teen Titans because it wasn't that awesome or glamorous. Instead of clean shaped beams, it was molten rock and ash and fire, dripping as they flew, these arrows. And as it solidified, it didn't turn black, but a golden color, as if he was creating chains.
Fire Starter, I felt I needed to draw, because he wasn't just a brute, and in retrospect he might hae been related to the Benevolent Killer because he was very sweet as he herded the people away from the homes as he set them on fire (they were going to heat up and melt/die anyways; might as well not be on fire too). His head was pretty awesome as well. >>;

COMPLETLY UNRELATED DREAMS THAT CAME BEFORE THE "BENEVOLENT KILLER"

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez on the cover of some corny-arse CD that looked like Tokio Hotel's Humanoid. O.o
At The Beach, but this was a little before the world was dying, so I suppose this isn't completely unrelated.

A NOTE ON "THE BEACH"
Its capitalized so I know to differentiate: this was a different beach. It was less like where earth meets water, and more like, "where everything stops and there is but water". The shore is short, and the buildings kind of cut off and decay slowly. This place hasn't been in my dreams for a while (like months, and a year or so before that), but I love it. Especially for this out-of-scale, humongous metal structure that most likely had some terrible/inhumane/scary use, but was used to climb. This is one reason why I like Inception, because they completely made me my Beach, minus the metal structure. :3 That scape in the movie is so much like the one I dream about. ><
  • Listening to: Just woke up.
  • Watching: Youtubing = Extreme Sport
  • Eating: Not sure yet.
  • Drinking: Lemon water, still.
l have developed an insane fixation on the state of my skin. lhavelostmymind. After a brief affair With amazingsexy skin, l have decided to try to keep it up. This will kind of serve as my affirmation. l will:

1. cleanse daily w/honey, oatmeal, and yogurt mixture.
2. steam
3. drink none but water w/lemon to clean/detox from the inside.
4. eat well. XD no chocolate, syrups, sugars, more fruit, more fish, no fastfood, more grain.

The idea to #4 is not to become a HungarNazi but to add everything back gradually to see the effect it has on my skin and adjust accordingly, especially when stressed w/school Work.

I myself will be the witness/experiment. 8<

wish me luck!!!
  • Listening to: IMITATION BLACK
  • Watching: Youtubing = Extreme Sport
  • Drinking: lemon watah.
I feel miserable.

Kind of like you add everything up and it falls short of all expectations. Can;t fix it--there's nothing to fix because its all finished.

I haven't done all I should have. Don't feel like I get a break, but at the same time, I'm happy its here. Just kind of want to lay down.


Been reading Tagore a lot recently:

The sun ofthe first day
put the question
to the nwew manifestation of life--
who are you?
There was no answer.
Years passed by.


The last sun of the last day
uttered the question
on the shore of the western sea
Who are you?
No answer cam again.
  • Eating: MINI BABYBELS. SO CUTE.
  • Drinking: SPRITE.
I HAVE DECIDED TO SERIOUSLY PURSUE THE OWNERSHIP OF A








SSD-BOY, "AVALANCHE" BECAUSE HE IS MY IDEA OF BEAUTY. SO, I AM STARTING A FOUNDATION. :|

THE "LETS FINALLY FRIGGEN GET IVY THIS DOLL SHE'S BEEN WANTING FOR UPWARDS 6 OR 7 YEARS"





IDEAS FOR MONEY MAKING?
SONGS TO STRIP TO?
ORGANIZATIONS TO SELL MY BODY TO SCIENCE?
PLACES THAT ARE HIRING?
SAFEST CORNERS ON OBT?
CONGLOMERATION OF ALL/SOME/NONE/MOST/ONE OR TWO OF THE ABOVE?


PLEASE, INDEED, COMMENT. SO I CAN STOP WANTING THIS DOLL SO HARD.

BEETEEDUBBS. THE 'MOOD' EMOTICON. DESCRIBES ME SO GOOD.



IMMA GO LAY DOWN NOW.

Auxillary thingies, accomodations to "SPEAKING OF FLAIL":
eluts.com/shop/step1.php?numbe…

Seriously, though:
You know how all artsy-fartsy folk have muses? Or like, OCs? He is/has been mine, since about 4th or 5th grade. He is so near and dear, and this model/doll kind of encapsulates what I could never draw or express on paper, and fully capture the feeling of. 'Kind of floating in Ivy-land. Do I feel like a psycho? Just a little bit, but its something I want. Working for it 'till graduation. *encourages self*
  • Eating: MINI BABYBELS. SO CUTE.
  • Drinking: SPRITE.
OH SNAP DA GOT A NEW JOURNAL FORMAT. THAT'S MIGHTY BEAST. 'PRECIATE.


SO I BASICALLY CAME HOME. WATCHED BILLY AND MANDY. THEN WENT TO SLEEP.


DREAM:

BAND CLASS. HALF THE CLASS ARE DRESSED IN RAT SUITS, HALF ARE DRESSED IN FISH SUITS.

YES, WELCOME TO A WORLD FAMOUS IVYDREAM.

THERE'S SPIRAL LIKE, SPINNER-LIKE PLAYING BOARD ON EACH OF OUR FRONTS--

"I RIP OUT EVERY PART OF HIS BODY AND MANGLE SOMETHING SOMETHING,"
"YOU KILL THE INSTANT REPLAY, THE INSTANT REPLAY WILL KILL YOU"
"U'D GET A WOMAN, TO BIRTH THIS NEW DIMAGGIO, I RAISE HIM AS MY OWN KID, TAKE TO THE PARK HAVE SOME FUN..."
OMG WHATS ON TV. WEIRD MIDDLE AGED MEN TALKING ABOUT SPORTS THAT'S WHAT.


--ON OUR FRONTS, AND IT HAS POINTS VALUE, SO WHEN WE ANSWER A QUESTION, WE GET ONE POINT. WHEN YOU HIT 11 POINTS, YOU GET ANOTHER FREE POINT, JUST FOR HITTING 11 POINTS. QUESTIONS WERE BASED ON RONALD REAGAN. BECAUSE THERE WAS A RONALD REAGAN DOCUMENTARY ON TV.

IVY: AND WAS IT TALKING ABOUT A SCULPTURE OR SOMETHING? (THERE WAS A QUESTION ABOUT SCULPTURES IN MY DREAM)
MOM: YEAH, o.O THEY WANTED ONE IN EVERY STAT--
IVY: YEAH EXACTLY. AND HOW HE WAS "INTELLIGENT IN HIS OWN RIGHT"
MOM: IVY. YOU NEED TO STOP SLEEP--
IVY: NO IT WAS BRILLIANT, LET'S MAKE SOME WAFFLES. WE HAVE LIKE 60 8'D

AND MUSE WAS FUSSING TO US ABOUT ARGUING ABOUT WHO WAS TAKING A NAP, GERDY, ALSO,

"HE SAYSSS, HE'S IN A PLACE OF COLD AND FEAR... ANNNND. HE WANTS TO HOLD HIS WIFE"
SPORTS PEOPLE. YOU ARE WORSE THAN ME.


IF YOU MAKE IT THROUGH THIS WHOLE THING. LEAVE A COMMENT BECAUSE I KNOW THIS IS NOT NORMAL.


TSENG COME HOLD ME.
  • Watching: WEIRDO SPORTS PEOPLE.
  • Eating: WAFFLES, BACON, EGGS.
  • Drinking: WATER.